


"Autumn Leaves"

by bromanceorromance



Series: + [13]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Grief/Mourning, Post-Reichenbach, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-15
Updated: 2014-09-15
Packaged: 2018-02-17 13:38:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2311559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bromanceorromance/pseuds/bromanceorromance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>yesterday, you were here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"Autumn Leaves"

"Yesterday, you were here and today you're not," John mumbled. "Sherlock, I - "

He stopped to wipe a stray tear away from his cheek as his throat felt like it was closing off for a second. It was ridiculous. This gravestone with his best mate's name on it. This had to be a cruel joke or a nightmare.

"You can't just change my life like that and then leave."

John felt himself looking around, searching for the moment when Sherlock would pop out of the shadows of the cemetery and start mouthing off about how stupid he'd been. Really, John, you thought I'd let Moriarty of all people get the better of me? But no one appeared and the headstone continued to stare back at him.

"Just don't - don't be dead," John whispered, desperately. "Please. For me. Just don't be dead."

I need you. He wanted to say it, but somehow, even without Sherlock's ability to comment, he just couldn't get the words to come out. Sherlock was never one for emotions. He wouldn't know what to say if John were to admit such a thing out loud, despite the fact that they were both pretty co-dependent at this point.

 

"You're moving out?" Mrs. Hudson asked, sadly.

"I just - I can't. I can't afford it without Sh - a flatmate," John admitted, avoiding her eyes.

"Oh," Mrs. Hudson replied, all too knowingly. "It's much too calm around here without him."

John nodded, avoiding her eyes.

 

He visited the cemetery daily at first. It didn't seem real enough to just wake up at a flat across town instead of 221B Baker Street. John was still waiting - praying \- for the day that Sherlock appeared and everything went back to normal. He went to work - tried not to think about solving murders \- went on a few dates - tried to hold a normal conversation without mentioning the fact that his best mate had called him before jumping off of a building \- and avoided all of the friends he'd made through Sherlock.

His therapist tried to be helpful. She did, but for the first six months or so, John was still in denial. He was still waiting for it to be revealed as a joke that Sherlock would somehow think was funny. He was still waiting for a text demanding he be present or asking him to retrieve something that was only across the room, but the idiot didn't want to bother getting up.

"Mrs. Hudson still keeps Baker Street vacant for you, you know," John informed the gravestone. "I don't think she's dealing with this a whole lot better than I am." John chuckled, darkly. "She's dealing with this way better than I am, what am I talking about." He looked up, glancing around the rows and rows of grave markers. "I need to stop this. Stop coming here every day." He started to walk away, but paused. He felt like he couldn't breathe as he knelt at the grave. Tears that he could've sworn had run their course, slowly filling his eyes and rolling down his cheeks. "This would all be so much easier if you were here. With me."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Inspired by the song by Ed Sheeran.


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